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| so once again i get a second chance to make things work and make them right. i've studied over my stuff quite a bit and i feel like im one step closer to doing ok on this test, i just hope that he gives me enough credit to pull a b on the test which i nkow i have the potential of doing. i must work hard and acheieve my goals. i will struggle at some point but i think its destiny. ive read somewhere that our mind is somewhat uncomfortable at the thought of doing something that is not innately a part of us, but i also believe that maybe something uncomfortable is something more appealing then i had ever imagined. its crazy, because i get this sense that i was born to endure certain struggles. and although its not literally HARD TIMES, its pretty difficult because sometimes the things you want are so difficult to obtain. but then again, there is a known fact (in my life) that my will is not his will, and i dont know what he wants or will direct me. i hope i find a place in this thing called life. i hope something obvious screams and shouts out my name so i have a better idea. i am forced by circumstances, pushed against the tides of a natural, unassuming force...and either it will drive me to insanity or drive me to freedom.
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| so, organic is freaking ridiculuous. we just took took the standardized ACS exam on friday, which covered both organic chem 1 and organic chem 2. i got my grade back which i expected with stunning accuracy. NOW we have another test on thursday. kinda sucks, but that's basically how our professors work here at Trinity. they deliberately torture you in ways that are both challenging and ridiculuous at the same time.
typically the tests are pure mechanisms, but now its all about structure and memorization, and its a very daunting task. i have to memorize all the 20 amino acids, all the bases, the 5 main sugars, and many different heterocycle rings. the crappy thing is, they all look exactly the same, and its really the small differences that i have to watch out for.
ok. im out. time for more studying.
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| i haven't figured out myself yet. i dont think i ever will. maybe i'm not mature enough, or maybe i just havent had enough experience. whatever the case, i probably will spend my entire life trying to figure myself out.
the funny thing is, i dont think thats the most important thing in my
life. while it might be fun, interesting, dangerous, and impossible at
the same time, it shouldnt be a driving force in my life....sometimes
it is, and i wish i could somehow not think about it. i mean, curiosity
is definitely not a bad thing. its always good to find deeper meanings,
and to uncover hidden treasures within the depths of one's soul, but i
guess that shouldnt be one's first priority, which again, i selfishly
make sometimes, and when that happens, things tend to crumble. anyways,
humans are constantly changing. although we have some biological and psychological drive for the actions we make, there is also an increasingly environmental driven society
that influences our actions. also take in account of the presence of a
higher being (if you believe or not). so while we think we know
ourselves fully, we are only just fooling ourselves. i guess thats one of the exciting facts of life. | | |
| you desire some things, and sometimes they are never obtainable, and sometimes they just slip right out of the palm of your hands. sometimes, the thing that you desire most seems like its soo close, yet it was probably just the imagination playing tricks on you. i guess thats one of the painful realities of life. and if i wasn't soo selfish, then i wouldn't be feeling this pain. but the pain is real. it's concrete, and more real than most of things i know. and i hate it. i utterly hate it. | | |
| life is one big fucking beauty contest.
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